annoyed
Listening to: Rachael Yamagata- Quiet
sharpelle corby gets 20 years and australians want their money back from the tsunami fund.
bloody in-fecking-credible.
***
Starbucks has ITS OWN SATELLITE RADIO CHANNEL nowadays. phwoar.
I walked in and heard the most glorious music, and it felt weirdly, like I was in America all over again. And it turns out, I wasn't far wrong, because the music is being piped through from the US.
In case you're wondering, no it wasn't something like Hillibillies Inc. or something (I'll admit to being partial to bluegrass music though) it was really old jazz standards.
Like...My Funny Valentine, Night and Day, that kind of stuff. and by the old school artistes. Dean Martin, Englebert Humperdinck, you know...those people. Somehow, this genre doesn't seem to take off much in Australia. Even Gold FM plays Rolling Stones. only Magic plays stuff like this. and it's....really grandma!
one day, I'll put up all the little messages MagicMan sends me that really makes me laugh.
We have a really funny ritual in International where if the class gets too boring, we send each other silly messages, each one more outrageous than the other.
I guess it all started in Campaigns last semester, and cemented itself in Media Campaigns, where we'd be totally pooped and looking for dinner at 9pm and going home at 4am, living in the computer lab where there was no ventilation because they turn it off at 6pm.
Sometimes, tired and frustrated, we'd suddenly burst out.
"Beccaz, you smell"
"Magicman, you shmell more"
"Ew, you just farted"
"It was the dog you poophead. Oh wait no, it was your breath!"
At 12.45am I suddenly received an MSN message from him.A is for All Out Panic
B is for Buyer Behaviour
C is for CAN'T DO IT
D is for DUMB
I cut inD is for Die
E is for Evil
he types E is for Extension
I typeF is for Fail
he typesYou got it Beccaz!!!
I continueG is for GAH
H is for HELP!!!!!!!
I is for IMPOSSIBLE
Talk about word association. We did that all without even thinking about it.
all this before I tell him that E has indeed been granted, and it's due on the 6th. Instead I'm stewing over Advanced (due
TODAY)
and how is that going Beccas?
Issues is giving me Issues, and advanced is giving me an advanced headache. *deadpan*I shoot back.
We laugh.
Sometimes, it's just small things like that that really make my day.
masochist
Use me, abuse me
I'm your bitch at your disposal
Crack me, break me
Why not, there's no refusal.
Why do I put up with it
as we pretend to be friends
and blow each other air-kisses
and lament the time it'll come to an end?
empty words laden with affection
While you're lying through your teeth
Or do you really mean what you say
Your sugar-coated words upon my heath
Use me, abuse me
after all I never say no
and not telling never did hurt
an extremely stupid hoe.
***
I think I've calmed down now.
I think I'm just stressed...or I've successfully quashed it again.
Whichever. I'll deal with it later.
as I sat in class today, I let my hair loose from its ponytail
and pulled out a handful of hair along with it
there was a collective gasp from the class as I stared in disbelief at my hairtie for a while, before calmly picking the hair off from the hairtie.
I reached back and ran my hand through my hair.
only 5 more strands came loose.
People were freaking out.
"Stop doing that!" yelled one,
I looked quizically at her and did it again.
Only 2 strands this time
"It's not too bad" I said blandly
Listening to: The Verve- Lucky Man
edit: read my
friends-only entry in lj for the lowdown on what really happened when I lied. (of course chalyz was there in online form for about 1/4 of the drama)
edit: I just emailed one of those "good work guys" emails to the group and told the two of them I lied to one of them. (are you following?) I CAN'T LIE!!!!! I SIMPLY CAN'T LIE!!!!! I have a terminal case of truthfulness!!!! I lied last night.
I just realise this is the third time this year I've caught myself lying without even thinking about it.
In fact, that's when I lie. Not when I can and choose not to, but when I do so on reflex.
As soon as it came out of my mouth I realised what I'd done, but didn't say anything otherwise in order to keep the peace.
I realise that the two of them probably talked and found out I lied to keep the peace. and while they don't hold it against me (or don't seem to), I personally feel bad.
WTF.
I don't lie. It's one of those things I don't do.
I can't believe I just lied like that *snaps fingers*
in an uncharateristically individualistic(Hofstede,1998) posting
I...I'm so much less sheltered,
and little incidents don't piss me off as much.
I'm through with all that.
It also means that sometimes,
I can act alot older than some people close to or over 10 years older than I am.
and that when they act younger than I do at me,
I don't react the same way they do.
This has been reinforced over and over again in the last 1.5 years
I have come more and more to realise that the more you learn, the less you know. There is so much to learn, so many things you do not know, and that there is no one you should not take the time to listen to.
- I have come to realise I'm not as liberal as I thought I was. That I am sometimes as bigoted as the next person. And that is something I'd like to fix. I realised this after making a realisation and value judgement on a friend, then asking myself whether I was all that different anyway
- I've come to realise that sometimes, without realising it, I take the moral high horse where there is none to be taken, and it is no right of mine to do so anyway.
- that I do not believe in capital punishment for drug dealers
- that despite being the hopeless cynic, a part of me does believe in love
that a united colourless (in more ways than one) world that we were taught to dream of in the 80s is not going to form world peace. That it's the understanding of our differences and ACCEPTING them that could just be the key.
and that world peace is just a dream
did I mention I was stressed?
WHINY POST MASQUERADING AS AN INNOCENT MEMEI AM: strung like string cheese
I WANT: sleep, to lose weight, and for my chin pimples to magically disappear. Alternatively, just feed me coffee and chocolate.
I HAVE: no time. and a lot of work.
I WISH: I pass.
I HATE: hot weather, unventilated computer labs and end-of-semesters
I MISS: my brain
I FEAR: I will fail this entire frigging semester, that I am not being true to myself, and that I am being the most crazy slack person. and that I'm paranoid due to overwork and under-rest. My manager actually almost sent me home because she thought I looked 'overworked'.
read: 'like a frazzled hobo squatting behind the counter clutching on to a glass of hot water with a kill-me-now look on my face craving chocolate and caffeine'I HEAR: sprinklers, and my cheap but long-lived 8 year old bedside radio/alarm
I SEARCH: for articles on branding Tourism Queensland
I WONDER: if someone has invented living in parallel times simultaneously yet
I REGRET: nothing. I refuse to. ok. I regret being so slack earlier this semester.
I LOVE: my life. *dripping with sarcasm*
I ACHE: like an old lady. The only reason why I'd want a boyfriend is so I could twist his arm into giving me a massage 1st thing in the morning when I'm stiff as a corpse. and then yank me out of bed so I'd actually get work done. I feel like I'm dragging my carcass the length and breadth of town(gym/work/school)
I ALWAYS: need sleep.
I AM NOT: as skinny or as smart as I'd like to be at this point in time.
I DANCE: whenever I feel like it. I'd like more lessons though.
I SING: whenever I feel like it. And because I'm one of those people who hears lines of songs in sentences, that's ALOT.
I CRY: extremely un-prettily. I always wondered how those girls did it.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: lucid.
I WRITE: a whole lot of crap.
I WIN: I don't like competitions. I'm far too shy for them.
I LOSE: hmm. at a pretty reasonable rate now that I think about it.
I CONFUSE: everybody. and anybody.
I NEED: sleep
I SHOULD: be sleeping or researching or doing my essay
anything's more fun than work atm
>. What time is it? 10.35pm
>2. Name as it appears on birth certificate? I have several birth certs, and the name on my most recent one isn't the same as the one I hold now. (long story)
>3. Nicknames? silvermyst, myst, zee, bec, becca, becks, becs, bec-c, birdII
>4. Favourite Song? none.
>5. Eye colour? dark brown
>6. Place of birth? Some hospital in Malaysia
>7. Favourite food? oooh. anything hot and spicy. or cheesy (despite having mild lactose intolerance). The hotter the better.
>8. Where have you been overseas? Malaysia, Indonesia, Phils, HK, China, North America, England, France, Italy, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, Holland, Scandinavia, Denmark(wasn't sure if it was part of Scandinavia), Austria, Turkey, Northern India, Cambodia, South Africa, NZ, Australia, Vatican (well, they have their own stamp).
I'd like to go back to many of these places again because I don't believe I really visited the country.
>9. Ever pinched a street sign? yes. well, it wasn't me. But I was there.
>10. Love someone so much it made you cry? yes
>11. Been in a car accident? yes. You kinda expect it when you have a dad who falls asleep at traffic lights.
>12. Pubs or Restaurants? depends. mainly restaurants though- as in the aussie definition. A chinatown joint counts! as does that little dodgy hole-in-the-wall thing.
>13. Favourite day of the week? oh. Saturday because there's an offchance I might to get up later than 8.
14. Favourite Item: I'm not really a material girl- or maybe I am and everything's my favourite.. Oh wait. I lie. The necklaces around my neck, huge sentimental value- and my bangle from cambodia. and my glasses. DUH.
>15. Favourite flower? Orchids. Preferably deep red or pure white.
>16. Favourite sport to watch? Figure Skating
>17. Favourite drink? fully dependant on my mood.
>18. Favourite ice cream? dependant on my mood and where I get the ice cream from. Usually the nuttier or fruity ones, and mint.
>19. Channel? erm, SBS. I think. I don't really watch TV
>20. Favourite fast food? oh gosh. does takeaway count? Thai, Indian, and Mapo Tofu/lemongrass chicken from Dessert House, sushi (usually raw salmon or tobikko), a curry puff. Lately, I've been eating at Hungry Jacks because it's next to uni.
>21. Colour of your bedroom floor? brown. godawful brown carpet.
>22. How many times did you fail your driver's test? 0. I passed 1st time.
>23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? ChinaDoll
>24. What would you buy if you had a winning $5000 scratch-it? erm, start paying off my education debts.
>25. What you do most often when you are bored? I can't remember being bored in the longest time.
>26. Bedtime? bed? can you eat that?
>27. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest : chalyz probably?
>28. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Cheerleader, because she sent this to me.
>29. Favourite TV shows? I don't watch TV. X-files was the last thing I watched religiously. (pun intended) Rage? Jamie's School Dinners? Medium? Insight? I'm putting ?? because they're only things I've actually watched by accident in the past few months.
>30. Last person you went out to dinner with? *ponders* chalyz. last night. that took me a while. Sorry babe.
>31. Ford or Holden? neither. but push comes to shove, Ford.
>32. What are you listening to now? Lenny Kravitz- Again
>33. What is your favourite colour? hmmm...neutrals, cools
>34. Lake, ocean or river? Ocean by a mile
>35. How many tattoos do you have? one. contemplating more. shhhh!
>36. Time you finished this e-mail? 10.51pm
>37. Have you ever run out of petrol? YES. NOT GOOD.
>38. If you could have a holiday anywhere, where would you go? Singapore. Spring St Towers/Focal/CityGate to visit long lost friends.
Prague, Thailand, NY (JOOOOO!!!! I MISS YOU SO!!!!!!), Moscow and St Petersberg, Nepal, Tibet, Manila, Spain, Portugal, South America, Great Barrier Reef, Morrocco, Ireland, Monaco, Dominican Republic, Monte Cristo, Japan, South Korea, Egypt, UAE, Hawaii, Sri Lanka, Toronto, Alaska and if it weren't so bad for the environment- Antarctica
India and Indonesia for weddings.
wishlist
Things to look forward to once I finish all this crap
BOOKS:Remains of the Day
His new book about clones
7 Types of Ambiguity
Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy
Dune (3rd time lucky)
SONGS AND ALBUMSMoulin Rouge 2
Jack Johnson- Sitting Wishing Hoping
Dido
Good Charlotte- the one with them running around in vegetable suits
Rob Thomas- Lonely No More
WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY JB HI-FI VOUCHER?Zoolander (for Renaissance Man)
Zoolander (for myself)
Requim For A Dream
Red Curtain Trilogy Box Set ($52!)
1GB memory stick..what the hell. I should just get a Creative Zen I've been dying to get.
NEED TO:buy new undies (3hrs worth of presentations on introducing
Love Kylie,
Coco de Mer(!) , Agent Provocateur,
Victoria's Secret,
Bonds in different countries does that to you)
clean up house
throw away magazines
STUDY
Sometimes I wish I had my waist length hair back, but then I remember how much lighter my head feels.
I watched Moulin Rouge last night to destress, and am totally and utterly convinced that Baz Luhrmann is the biggest
enfant terrible genius ever. Even bigger than Alexander McQueen. And I am a huge huge huge fangirl.
it's 5am and I must be lonely
because there's no one online.
and I'm too braindead to come up with a smarter title than a paraphrasing of a famous Matchbox20 song.
I've FINALLY reached the end of the bloody essay I was supposed to have finished 10 days ago, decided it was funny that I was putting blogs in additional references and flickr-ing them.
If I sleep now I'll never wake up, as dead to the world as the corpses across the road.
so I'll just hang for 3 hours and read a few mags before hopping down to the printers. 22 pages all up not including dividers, title page, blah blah blah.
bloody pain in the bum/neck/brain/shoulders/wrist/fingers essay.
and when I hand it in, I will sleep like the dead.
***
of spillages and breakages.
Today was almost like old times at work. It used to be a miracle if nothing had been broken by 1pm on a Sunday afternoon. Today, everything was breaking, spilling, flying, going wrong.
In fact, we were making up for lost time.
Madame V managed to spill hot chocolate all over the serving counter, where drinks and desserts were standing.
I somehow managed to crack a saucer in two just by holding it, glasses were dropping like lawn bowls and we must have broken a week's wages worth of suckaos.
Yay us.
there is a disturbance in the force
Listening to: Brother Brown ft. frank'ee- Star Catching Girl
have you ever had mass coincidences all converge at once?
About 2 weeks ago, I arranged to have lunch with an old primary schoolmate of mine (whom I'd *also* bumped into because she lives 2 floors below me)
As we walked down the street, we bumped into Peishan's kid brother- her coursemate.
So I asked after Peishan. she's good, she's in Chicago, yadda yadda yadda and all.
2 weeks later (read just now), I found
Wannabe Lawyer's site which has links to a former high school classmate and another primary school classmate of mine (whom I'd also just recently found on flickr). And from this primary school classmate, ta-da! I found Peishan!
I could put it all down to Singapore and 2 degrees of seperation, but this is still tres cool.
you know you're desperate when
even the Window Media Player Battery Visualisation seems to entrance you.
Asian Values Induced Headache
You know when that cliche phrase about how you can take our land (bodies? something?) but you can never take our freedom was said, they obviously didn't realise it was both a good and bad thing.
Someone needs to tie my brain down. Give me blinkers. Something. Anything.
I was meant to FINISH this goddamn essay by Friday, and by that I mean,
LAST FRIDAY. Instead, here I am. 300 words into the bloody thing. I haven't even finished the introduction.
so much work, so little time, and my brain won't kick into gear.
or that's what I tell myself.
Stupid stupid me.
Listening to: Los Cojolites- El Conejo (The Frida Soundtrack)
Reading: Greg Sheridan- Asian Values, Western Dreams
the more I read about asian values, the less I wonder why Singapore has such an identity crisis.
happy happy joy joy
2046 FINALLY HITS AUSSIE SHORES!!!!!!!!
I'll promise myself 2046 once I finish International and get to a flying start with Issues.
which is hopefully by Saturday.
***
watched What The Bleep Do We Know? and found it.....strange. Not bad, quite good, but strange.
like it was an extended infomercial for New Ageism.
they got many of the science things right though, although I felt they kept trying to sell us (not tell) something. i.e. New Ageism.
interestingly the conclusion was made out by the only 'unqualified' person there- Radha or Rhamha or something. Which makes me wonder who the movie was funded by.
And those animated characters reminded me too much of school educational videos.
That said, I'm taking everything with a pinch of salt. I'm utterly suspicious of a movie that indirectly tells me any one religion is BAD for me.
conceptualising and reality are similar, but reality is usually more affronting. More real, for a better want of the word.
I remember when I was a kid,
wondering what it would be like to be kissed.
It was a fairly pleasant imagining.
Then I remember kissing someone,
and it was all clashing teeth and saliva
and I thought that kissing was yuck
Then I remember kissing,
and my knees fell away with the world around us
Like all that was below me was a void
and all I could do was cling on for my dear life
as I wanted more and more
and yet wanted to run away from this strange feeling I had never felt before.
***
I remember reading about wars and genocide,
and thinking that was was a really really big problem
that needed to be addressed.
Even the pictures saddened me.
starving children inEthiopia my parents used to make me eat my dinner
Headlines of lovers shot to death by border guards while trying to elope left me in a state for hours.
and when the video of the Palestinian man hiding behing some sort of steel drum
valiantly using his body as a shield to protect his son emerged
my heart broke as I watched the bullets from a machine gun kill both father and son.
and then I went to Cambodia
and day by day, all I saw were limbless beggars,
bright, vivacious street imps too smart to be selling things, or themselves, on the street for less than a cent of my currency
entire blind orchestras, many limbless, co0ordinating to play for money
I saw the 'upper class' who were the shopkeepers,
willing to sell me an intricately carved pure silver bangle for AU$15
I didn't have the heart to bargain despite the fact that I knew they were ripping me off
I remember refusing to go to the main tourist attraction,
a former school transformed into a torture house during the Pol Pot regime
I spent the afternoon crying in my hotel room instead,
Crying at how anyone could do such a thing
the world of the living affecting me enough
with no wish to see the memories of the past.
Photos on the wall,
dried blood on the dirty floors
I remember our tour guide,
so grateful for his tip of fifteen American dollars for a week's work including overtime
Because five American dollars can feed a family for a week
and then I remember a German tourist who thought I was Cambodian
try to take a photo of me with his SLR as I was carried away in my van
and I realised these people had commodified their lives in order to live
Selling themselves, their souls.
Live and eke out a living away from the killing fields of bleached brittle skulls and bones piled up in rows and display cases
and like all those numerous water lilies all along the roads I saw
where storm drains should have been, were perhaps drain-ponds,
filled with dirty muddy water
where water lilies bloomed all the brighter
and now when I hear of war and genocide,
I remember what I saw
and more and more,
I realise that I want no more war
whether for ideological or economic purposes.
***
and I remember when all our morals were intact
Things right or wrong
and then you realise there is no right and no wrong and plenty of grey.
and you find yourself overstepping your own set barriers
due to 'mitigating factors'
and find that deplorable acts are suddenly understandable because you know the person behind the act
Understandable, though you may not agree with them
No one sets out to become a mistress
A thief. A drug dealer. A genocidal maniac.
and people of greatness are often not as haloed as everyone makes them out to be.
There is a price for greatness after all.
Listening to: Marc Cohn- Walking in Memphis
