quod me nutrit me destruit

I'm agnostic. really

but sometimes, I think spirituality, no matter in what way it's practised, helps ALOT.

Personally, I find that doing my version of a brain dump, or emotional dump, on something or someone who either

a) will listen and answer
b) doesn't really care but is there anyway and won't do anything to smite me into dust
c) will listen but deigns NOT to answer for GREATER REASONS

really lightens my soul by that much.

Since I popped into St. Fran on Easter Monday and the temple on Monday, I feel alot better. Like I kinda left it all at their door. It's not their shit to deal with, but I kinda left it in a pile at their feet which they can choose to ignore.

It makes me feel better about myself anyway. And in that way they've made me feel better.

Or maybe, someone upstairs really has blessed me.

Whatever it is, I feel grateful.

I've been selfish and self-absorbed for too long now, and all of a sudden, I've rediscovered all the things I'm grateful for.

It's one thing to say and know you should be grateful, and quite another to feel it.

and right now, I'm grateful for all I have.

For the many many too-many chances I've been given in life.
For my health, for the mere fact that I'm alive and I can enjoy it.
For all these years in Australia.
For so many many little things while I've been bogged down by shackles I've tied to myself in self-condemnation, that I've nonetheless been blessed with- most of all, loyal unwavering friends I can count on despite oceans apart, years of not speaking, or huge fights. (or house moving activities)

Is that a profoundly Buddhist/Hindu/Christian/Asian statement to make? Perhaps. Since it is the opposite of consumer material culture. That we are not happy about what we cannot have, but happy with what we do. Quizas.

Neil Gaiman once wrote in his version of hell that people condemn themselves. No one tells them they should go to hell but themselves. It's that feeling that they should go to hell that makes them go to hell.

Take that metaphorically or literally, it still makes so much sense.

posted by sway @ 11:38 PM